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ArcoIris

@ArcoIris@lemmy.zip

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ArcoIris ,

If by “embarrassment” you mean “getting arrested or your entire career and life ruined by sexual harassment accusations because you accidentally made someone uncomfortable”. Don’t act as if men are giving up dating in record numbers over “embarrassment”. It’s disingenuous. They’re giving up because guys like the one in the comic cause women to view them all as “creeps”.

ArcoIris ,

We live in a world which contains certain individuals who make millions of dollars by pretending to be perpetually victimized. A little skepticism is natural. I don’t expect you to fix that, I simply expect you to acknowledge that the problem of shitty men like the one in the comic is a problem of a similar scale and will not be solved overnight. And also that it will not be solved by demonizing men.

ArcoIris ,

Lashing out doesn’t exactly make you look like a stable, confident individual yourself, nor will it particularly inspire people to take your problems seriously. Just as the douchebag in the comic will not earn the respect or affection of women by calling them bitches, so too will you not convince men to treat you as an equal by immediately calling them fragile. I implore you to reflect on that. It’s better to make friends than enemies.

ArcoIris , (edited )

I… legitimately have no idea why you think I’m a misogynist. I say the things I say because I care about and respect women. The last thing I want is for there to be more douchebags out there harassing women because Zoe Quinn or some other sleazy online opportunist with a victim complex stands to make money by diluting the seriousness of women’s problems. Those people are just as bad for you as they are for me. So if I worded that in a way that could be interpreted as misogynistic, then I sincerely apologize, because clearly there was some sort of miscommunication along the line somewhere.

ArcoIris ,

It’s actually not common at all. But the few examples of it happening were bad enough that it has deterred a lot of men from approaching women at all. Plus, regular, reasonable guys don’t like the idea of asking out a woman who’s immediately afraid he’ll kill her if she says no, not just because they don’t like the idea of potentially making her uncomfortable just by approaching her, but also because even if she says yes, a relationship that has that level of fear or distrust right off the bat is doomed. Which of course leads to a vicious cycle, where the only men asking women out are douchebags, and then those women’s perception of men becomes worse. Nobody likes this cycle, but the only way to fix it is for people to be better to each other.

ArcoIris ,

To offer a shortened version of the reply I gave to another user who asked that same question, barely at all. But many men are so afraid of becoming that one in a million example that they don’t want to take that chance. The same can be said of women who are afraid of being murdered for turning a guy down - they feel the risk isn’t worth the reward. While both of those fears are understandable, I personally feel that they are also contributing to the degradation of the dating pool, which is what leads to situations like the one in the comic, as fewer well-adjusted men choose to approach women and more poorly-adjusted men come in to take their place. The solution is obvious, but it’s also difficult: People need to be better to each other by taking more chances and giving more chances. Otherwise we’ll have more lonely people in ten years than we already do.

ArcoIris ,

Listen. I am not angry at you, but I feel you need to understand a few things.

First of all, attempting to twist what I say to support your existing assumptions about men is not the way to engage in healthy discourse. If you go into a thread looking for something to get offended about, you’ll find it, regardless of whether it’s actually offensive, and if you go into it already totally convinced of your own moral superiority, you lose out on the opportunity to learn something.

Secondly, while I’m on the topic of assumptions, not wanting to approach someone for fear they’ll prematurely judge you is absolutely a reasonable decision. At the very least, it’s hardly more unreasonable than the notion that everyone bigger than you is going to kill you if you say the wrong thing. Yes, obviously it can happen. I’m not arguing that. But if some guy on the internet demanded that you prove to every man you talk to that you’re not going to falsely accuse them of raping you if they tell you they aren’t interested in you, you would rightfully tell him to fuck off, because A) proving intentions is impossible, B) you could just as easily just never talk to men instead of jumping through a bunch of hoops, and C) you should not have to. Besides, if women being murdered for rejecting men is really as scarily common as you claim, then by your logic, having fewer men approaching women is a good thing, and therefore, calling men fragile for giving up on dating is counter-productive to your assumed goal.

And finally, I must say, accusing other people of having “hurt fee-fees” is pretty brazen of you, considering that you’ve done nothing but respond with hostility and insults, whereas I’ve tried to be considerate of your feelings and even straight up apologized to you. Clearly something must happened to you to make you feel the way you do about men, and I sympathize with your situation, but I speak from experience when I say that having trauma does not make a person entitled to spread hatred. As you said, if a man is not a murderer, then in an ideal world, that would be the end of it. But you have made it clear through your words that whether someone is a murderer or not is less important to you than whether or not you fear they could be, and when you judge people by that metric, you become part of the problem you claim to want to solve.

ArcoIris ,

“Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.” - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

ArcoIris ,

Neither does trying to apply arbitrary labels to people in an attempt to discredit them. Ad hominem is considered a logical fallacy for a reason. If you think I’m wrong about something, show me why you believe that, and I will concede if your arguments are valid. So far, you’ve instead opted to call me a sealion for suggesting that a socially-harmful blanket generalization like “men are bad and dangerous and don’t respect women” requires more proof than someone’s personal anecdotes and feelings. You’d want proof if someone on the internet was calling black people criminals or women gold-diggers or trans people child molesters, and as I’ve already had to state previously, discrimination and prejudice do not become okay based on how you personally feel about the group you’re discriminating against. If they did, then the douchebag in the comic would be morally justified.

ArcoIris ,

Screenshotted for posterity.

ArcoIris ,

A sharp wit is more attractive than any physical feature.

ArcoIris ,

Wow. You really are just mask-off Russian government propaganda, aren’t you? There’s this thing called nuance and only the most vile of people refuse to see it. This “west bad, kys” nonsense isn’t just stupid, it’s boring. Go back to the drawing board and try again.

ArcoIris ,

They’re called Uyghurs. You’d know that if you got your news from somewhere besides Hexbear.

ArcoIris ,

Oh yes, your “three-day special military operation” that’s been going on for, what, three, four years now? You have no business calling other people brainwashed.

ArcoIris ,

Fine, whatever, the CCP are all a bunch of perfect angels who never did anything wrong and all us big bad bogeyman “westerners” are responsible for all the world’s problems. I suppose I’ll just flagellate myself with my own white guilt for the rest of my life.

Fuck off.

ArcoIris ,

wooooahh
pibe bomb
so cool

i wonder what happens if i

ArcoIris , (edited )

Like I always say, gender isn’t a spectrum, it’s a graph. And in the top right corner of that graph are JoJo villains, who somehow manage to be the muscliest, most masculine of manly men and the flounciest, most feminine of twinks at the same time, which, let’s face it, is pretty based. 💪👄

On the other hand, it’s also dawned on me that gender can’t be (entirely) a social construct, because - just hear me out on this - that would make having a given gender identity a choice instead of the way you were born, which reads to me as concerningly transphobic and not a belief that I, even (especially?) as a cis person, would want to harbor. Gender-stereotyped assumptions about what people “must” enjoy or be good at, THOSE are social constructs.

Anyway, just a lot to think about. Science marches on, I suppose.

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