I only trust impassioned long form comments from people who are either livid or in love.
Nobody is gonna spoof a review where a given air conditioner let's them sloppy fuck their overweight cougar hookup more comfortably, or how a shitty frying pan got them closer to bludgeoning their loud neighbors with it, and perhaps it's only redeeming value would be as said blunt instrument of violence.
When you find those reviews you know you are on it.