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spujb ,

the woke moralists want you to believe you can’t already talk to plants

ChillPenguin ,

Become a dragon that hunts billionaires to make a horde of wealth for yourself. I'd watch that.

ericbomb ,

I feel like all of these are just normal things in the real world aside from become a dragon.

We got steroids, weed, you can already talk to plants, you can just buy a plane ticket to fly.

Modern life is wildly magic.

AeonFelis ,
  • Drink the purple one
  • Jump off a cliff
  • Realize I took the wrong purple one
  • Still relaxed though
L3mmyW1nks ,
  • survive an crawl up again, relaxed
  • drink the right purple one
  • jump off the cliff again
  • realize what flight actually stands for
  • still relaxed though
Tattorack ,
@Tattorack@lemmy.world avatar

"Become a dragon" is right there, so why would anyone even choose anything else!?

cordlesslamp ,

You mean a *dead dragon?

Allero ,

Especially, like, flight?

What would force someone to want to fly and NOT be a dragon?

Tattorack ,
@Tattorack@lemmy.world avatar

It would also cover strength. And courage, considering you're a freaking dragon! And depending on the type of dragon, poison breath could be covered too.

Allero ,

True!

AeonFelis ,

When my cat yawns I want to stick a finger in his mouth, and dragon talons are far too big for that.

AngryCommieKender ,

As a dragon you could have a pet Tiger. Your talon will fit in their mouth.

kzhe ,

Can I in become a dragon and then rebecome as many times as needed?

Fudoshin ,
@Fudoshin@feddit.uk avatar

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels permanently suicidal.

Etterra ,

I mean if I have to keep living, can't I at least kill then slowly and painfully?

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

I'll take the "talk to plants" potion since it changes LITERALLY NOTHING, and I don't want any additional powers myself.

hydrospanner ,

Except now you're wracked with crippling guilt every time you mow the lawn, chop up veggies for dinner, or walk by some poor little scrawny weed growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.

gobills ,

Ok thats a half empty glass of sunshine if I ever saw one. How you guna spend your time conversing with something that'll live less than a year, shit out a bunch of seeds, then die? Why not find out what the Oaks, Cypresses'ses', Hemlocks and Maples have to say about the day America was conceived, birthed, crawled, walked, flew, first fuck last fuck. Shit I'd retire and walk the trails listening to stories from something that has expierienced 3 life spans.

Tattorack ,
@Tattorack@lemmy.world avatar

Except plant never developed language or even neurons to process thought. You drink the "Talk to plants" potion and the world is just as silent as it was before.

JargonWagon ,

It was recently discovered that plants do talk to each other. It's still being studied.

Tattorack ,
@Tattorack@lemmy.world avatar

That is really old news. Whole forests do this. But that's still not talking.

Tlaloc_Temporal ,

If that's what a "talk" to plants drink does, I'd love to get a "talk" to humans drink. Imagine the psychology experiments I could set up if I could understand the subconscious pheromone, posture, subvocal, and other various poorly understood methods of communication!

Wirlocke ,

These kind of posts always have weird ones like Poison Breath.

Why would I want that? To kill people? Mustard gas is easy to make and I'd just get arrested anyways.

The only reasonable use I can think of is if you wanted to start a pest control company... woo?

Instant death may be useful if it's like the Death Note, or else you'd also just get arrested.

dejected_warp_core ,

Instant death may be useful if it’s like the Death Note, or else you’d also just get arrested.

At some point an investigator figures out that you're the only person that's connected to all the deaths, however remotely. As the years go by, you've done lunch together a few times and are on a first name basis. Their efforts are fruitless, and they can't prove anything. But now you have an FBI surveillance van permanently parked outside your home, and that investigator keeps coming around.

kandoh ,

Anyone can talk to plants,it's getting them to talk back that's tricky

shneancy ,

just eat some of their cousins (i know nothing about biology) then look at them for long enough and I'm sure you'll hear something

theneverfox ,

Dragon for sure. It's getting increasingly embarrassing to be a human...

itslilith ,
@itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

DnD dragon, get shapechange for free

Hacksaw ,

Yeah, it's strength, flight, maybe poison breath all in one and you can go back to human anytime. Dragon has literally no downsides!

AVincentInSpace ,

I mean... I don't know how much dragons eat

StarMage ,
@StarMage@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

My family watching me eat 2 whole roasted chickens, 5kg of potatoes, and drink a whole pot of soup, all in 10 seconds:
1000029906

Mnemnosyne ,

Well it doesn't specify dragon type/color. Not every dragon has an innate alternate form ability, so hopefully you get one of those.

Age is also an issue. Depending on how old you are, you'll probably be somewhere between young to young adult. If you're at least 50 you can hit young adult. This means you're pretty limited in a lot of things, and if you have your innate spellcasting at all, it's gonna be pretty limited.

If you're one of the dragon colors that doesn't get innate alternate form, you're probably gonna have to hide for the better part of a century just to get old enough to have some decent spells.

So there are downsides, if temporary ones, to the dragon option. Still, it's probably the best choice, yes.

Annoyed_Crabby ,

Free fire resist, flight, and fire breath? Count me in.

Inucune ,

Hoard then eat enough gold and other valuable materials and you become a god.

Noodle07 ,

There's wonderful cliffs around my city, l dream of being a dragon and sleeping on the cliff basking in the sun all day

AVincentInSpace ,

my furry ass saw "become a dragon" and didn't even read the rest

UraniumBlazer ,

Awww who's a good dragon

pets the said good dragon

doctorcrimson ,

Why would anybody take talk to plants? You can already do that. They couldn't talk back even if you took that potion, nothing changes.

Misconduct ,

Yes but if it was clarified that you could in fact communicate with plants in a meaningful way I'd take that one in a heartbeat. You could do so much with that. Imagine being a reporter or a private investigator lol. An archeologist could just ask some trees what was going on under them. Dying of hunger or thirst? Just ask some plant what's edible or where some water is. Plenty of plants want to be eaten to reproduce anyway. Ask some fungus (if it counted as plants for magic) what the meaning of life is while you're at it

doctorcrimson , (edited )

"Mr Mushroom, whats the secret of life."

"Not this again... another human got high off us and started talking to my genitals..."

Jokes aside, the ability to tell plants what to do would be sick.

crazybrain ,
@crazybrain@lemmy.spacestation14.com avatar

I don't even think mushrooms are plants so YMMV on that one.

doctorcrimson ,

The user above me started that line of thinking so your reply would fit better in response to them.

FirstMajesticComet ,
@FirstMajesticComet@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I choose the dragon one because I can get more out of that than the others here.

Signtist ,
@Signtist@lemm.ee avatar

I'd be worried that I couldn't change back. I'd choose flight, since none of the other dragon stuff feels too useful besides just being strong.

KoboldCoterie ,
@KoboldCoterie@pawb.social avatar

Maybe they're all secretly traps. You can't change back from being a dragon; if you choose flight, you just start floating upwards and can't come down; you're not immune to your own poison breath; courage just makes you incredibly over-confident in your own abilities...

FirstMajesticComet ,
@FirstMajesticComet@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Oh I didn't think of that, yeah I think in that case I'd rather be stuck as a dragon, even if I can't turn back. Way less risky/dangerous than not being able to control the others. Would require adjustments and adaptations but hey, still better than having to chain yourself down so you don't float away.

FirstMajesticComet ,
@FirstMajesticComet@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

You get fire breath too (maybe). Also probably courage.

superduperenigma ,
sharkfucker420 ,
@sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml avatar

Damn I gotta watch that again

DrDominate ,
@DrDominate@lemmy.world avatar

Tsk. Oooo, no can do. We're gonna need you to come in on Saturday and fill out those TPS reports. Also Sunday, too.

AI_toothbrush ,

Whats the movie?

damienallbran ,

Office Space, created and directed by Mike Judge who created King of the Hill and Bevis and Butthead

Zozano ,

Where's the potion which lets me do two chicks at the same time man.

Juvyn00b ,

Ah, the million dollar potion...

dejected_warp_core ,

I adore this movie. But not enough has changed to completely date this masterpiece, and I have very conflicted feelings about that.

Edit: for anyone in food-service or retail instead of IT, watch "Waiting" instead.

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