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littletranspunk ,

Obviously you don't baptise babies in Gatorade, you use Mountain Dew Baja Blast.

These damn simpletons

jkrtn ,

Christians are remarkably inconsistent about what is natural and good or unnatural and bad.

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

True, although I'm guessing "you can't baptize someone in Gatorade' would be something virtually all Christians would think.

myusernameis ,

Obviously, it's gotta be Powerade Mountain Berry Blast or you just damned that person to hell.

palordrolap ,

If my hasty checking is valid, there's nothing in the Bible about holy water. There's holding a baptism, but nothing about holy men blessing water to imbue it with the Holy Spirit.

As such, I assume that any liquid blessed by a priest might be considered holy.

Something something Godly Gatorade, Blessed Baja Blast etc.

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I think it's one of those 'spirit of the law, not letter of the law' things.

Meron35 ,

Non alliterative sports drinks are unholy, got it

UltraMagnus0001 ,

Idiocracy

Murdoc , (edited )

Catholic^TM^ brand Holy Baptizer 2000 brought to you by BRAWNDO! (The Thirst Mutilator!)

bizzle ,
@bizzle@lemmy.world avatar

It's got electrolytes

jdeath ,

what babies crave!

seriously, are you gonna baptize that baby in _toilet water?!_

Deconceptualist ,
@Deconceptualist@lemm.ee avatar

Some day...

Son_of_dad ,

Didn't molest any kids, making him the best clergy member in the church.

TheDarksteel94 ,

You don't know that, he could've sent some kids AI generated nudes.

roofuskit ,

Poorly trained AI if it didn't realize to be safe in the priesthood you have to go after children.

Sterile_Technique ,
@Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world avatar

  1. Does AWOL mean something other than "Absent without leave"? Cuz that's a weird way to describe a computer algorithm.

  2. ...aight so I'm definitely not a theologist, but... according to christianity, or catholocism specifically... is there actually any rule against using gatorade for a baptism? I'd assume it just says "water", but there's water in gatorade. Sure there's also other shit in gatorade, but there's other shit in tap water too. Even distilled water isn't going to be 100% pure.

And if gatorade's cool, where do they draw the line? Could you baptize a baby with honey? Or drop a steak onto the kid's face (there's water in those too!). Does it even have to be liquid water? Like what if you just threw some icecubes at the kid, or blasted some steam in its face??

So many questions!

blaue_Fledermaus ,
@blaue_Fledermaus@mstdn.io avatar

@Sterile_Technique
Not catholic, so I don't know their official position, but as I understand, in extreme circumstances any liquid will do.
Part of it involves the idea of "washing", or "being washed", so solid water or water in solids would not count. And also the idea of purification, but many use dirty river water.

Sterile_Technique , (edited )
@Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world avatar

the idea of “washing”, or “being washed”, so solid water or water in solids would not count.

You could make a solid (HA!) argument for exfoliative or percussive removal of debris from the kid's head via scraping or knocking the nasty-bits free via the holy projectiles.

TheOctonaut ,

It's not just any water, it's holy water. If a priest has cast Ceremony to create the holy water on whatever, sure. But why when you probably have liquid water tk hand? God might wonder if it's very sincere if you're just basically doing it for a laugh. Might take away your spell slots.

laurelraven ,

Would that make them Oathbreaker Priests? Do they get special abilities for that?

AlligatorBlizzard ,

There was a picture going around during the pandemic of a religious leader performing a baptism with a super soaker. So, at least in some Christian denominations, that's totally cool. And if Gatorade is okay...

Can you baptize people with a supersoaker full of piss?

Sterile_Technique ,
@Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world avatar

"That's not piss."

- Alter boy

Deconceptualist ,
@Deconceptualist@lemm.ee avatar

is there actually any rule against using gatorade for a baptism?

It's better, cuz it's got electrolytes.

Does it even have to be liquid water?

So like, ice X at 60 gigapascals and -120 °C?

Sterile_Technique ,
@Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world avatar

It’s better, cuz it’s got electrolytes.

It's what souls crave!

So like, ice X at 60 gigapascals and -120 °C?

What's the worse that could happen?

bomberesque1 ,

What's the worse that could happen?

Freezer burn yo baby

emzili ,

To answer your first question, AWOL is also used colloquially to describe people wildly or destructively ignoring the responsibilities of their job. So it'd be an apt descriptor if it was talking about a REAL priest but in this case it's just flowery wording (presumably for alliteration)

Sizzler ,

Think rogue would be a better descriptor.

Vrijgezelopkamers ,
@Vrijgezelopkamers@lemmy.world avatar

I think the writer meant to say 'gone rogue' instead of 'AWOL'. Just poor writing skills.

Deconceptualist ,
@Deconceptualist@lemm.ee avatar

If a Catholic AI won't be allowed to officiate my wedding, at least Taco Bell will host it. So we're still not far from Idiocracy!

CookieOfFortune ,

It has made my day that this Taco Bell Wedding exists and that it is $50,000/hour for 25 guests and all you get is Flora Pop.

Sanctus ,
@Sanctus@lemmy.world avatar

You can also borrow a sauce pack bouquet

applepie ,

At least AI can't rape children physically.

Kyrgizion ,

Can still groom them online. Don't give them any ideas.

applepie ,

wow... u aint wrong

ThePowerOfGeek ,

So they are labeling a brand new (and obviously flawed) AI as a priest, but women (who are human beings) still can't be priests?

Sorry ladies, you've now fallen further down the ladder.

  • Regular straight Catholic men - acceptable priest
  • Gay Catholic men - acceptable priest (as long as they don't get caught)
  • Male converted Anglican priests - acceptable priest (in some scenarios)
  • Catholic men with gross sexual habits - acceptable priest
  • Flawed AIs - acceptable priest
  • Corporations - soon to be priests?
  • Catholic women - ABSOLUTELY NOT!
phoenixz ,

You're forgetting child raping pedos in that list, right below the gross sexual habbits. I'd say that one deserves its own category

ThePowerOfGeek ,

Yeah I was lumping them into that same category. But you're right, they probably do deserve their own category.

Gullible ,

Come to think of it, it’s a bit surprising that a more woman-centric sect of Christianity hasn’t risen to any level of prominence in the US. I suppose it’s easier to transition into agnosticism or atheism than to form a belief system, but its absence is still surprising in the modern era. Or is it as simple as demographic shifts and the absence of power during relevant periods? Religion is gradually waning in most of the west, after all. The patriarchy potentially stole The Mome from us, and that’s kinda lame tbh.

ThePowerOfGeek ,

I don't think the vast majority of American Christians are anywhere near ready to accept a Christian denomination founded by and led by women. Which is a shame. I think such a denomination would have some interesting and probably beneficial perspectives to share.

But given how Christianity has been male-led from the very beginning, how it stemmed from another male-led religion, and how engrained into American Christian society it is for women to be docile, obedient child production machines... Yeah, that ain't happening for a looong time!

SlopppyEngineer ,

It'd be faster to turn Wicca into a women led mainstream religion than to wait for another millenium or two for Christians to give women a leading role.

macarthur_park ,

but women (who are human beings)

Is that actually the church’s stance? Like, has the pope ever said this?

whostosay ,

What? Life said this.

BottleOfAlkahest ,

I think you missed his point.

whostosay ,

Lol not at all. Just because the Pope didn't explicitly say this, it doesn't mean that this is not reality for Catholicism.

Semi-Hemi-Demigod ,
@Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social avatar

The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking at it yourself; Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe.

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they’d have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. It had never heard of Salt Lake City, of course. Nor had it ever heard of a quingigillion, which was roughly the number of miles between this valley and the Great Salt Lake of Utah.

leftzero ,

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams, 1987, in case anyone was wondering.

Sizzler ,

I was always in two minds of the TV series, good characters but a poor interpretation.

ripcord ,
@ripcord@lemmy.world avatar

Which series?

Sizzler ,

Dirk Gently

ripcord ,
@ripcord@lemmy.world avatar

There was a 2016 series and a 2010 series.

Assuming they mean the 2016 one though.

Sizzler ,

Ok, that's news, I'll have to check the other out. I assume I was on about the 2016 series.

leftzero ,

The TV adaptation of the quoted book.

ripcord ,
@ripcord@lemmy.world avatar

There were two.

leftzero ,

Oh, I wasn't aware of that, sorry. Guess I've got something to watch, then, thanks!

Evilcoleslaw ,

What flavors did it deem acceptable? My denomination draws the line at Riptide Rush.

EdibleFriend ,
@EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

My denomination only uses riptide rush and we will bomb your fucking church over this

foggy ,

Yo I am also of the church of rush. 🟣

EdibleFriend ,
@EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

THATS THE WRONG SHADE OF PURPLE HEATHEN

foggy ,

We dont infight in the church of rush, friend. There simply was no other emoji applicable.

foggy ,

Why would you draw the line at the best flavor?

nyan ,

Perhaps they want to keep it to drink.

ThePowerOfGeek ,

If Arctic Blitz isn't one of them, there will be a backlash that makes Vatican II look like a mild disagreement.

RagnarokOnline ,

Church of Glacier Cherry rise up!

gregorum ,
@gregorum@lemm.ee avatar

It thought this was the new Vatican DLC for Civ VI when I saw the image, lol

NOT_RICK ,
@NOT_RICK@lemmy.world avatar

Lol, it does have that vibe

Rentlar ,

Father Justin, will you trade my 25 Diplomatic Favour for 20 horses please?

gregorum ,
@gregorum@lemm.ee avatar

Father Justin agrees, then sends Apostles to each of your cities and coverts them.

dhork ,

Father Justin then warns you that OUR WORDS ARE BACKED WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS

gregorum ,
@gregorum@lemm.ee avatar

[ Ghandi enters the chat ]

DdCno1 ,

Imagine the Papal States never dissolving and becoming a nuclear-armed power in the 20th century, using the threat of nuclear annihilation to maintain their independence and increase their global influence.

That would be an interesting alternative history scenario.

Grimy ,

I'd read that novel. I bet you could find a lot of creative uses for all that rapture talk.

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